the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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