you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
