apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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