I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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