We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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