thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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