what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Less talking, more tequila
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize