So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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