I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
