i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
