apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
