His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize