even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
