Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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