I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
