WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the jesus of drinking
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
