No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
