Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
