Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
