from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
