Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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