I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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