I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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