Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
