dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
