Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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