worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
