chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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