My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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