I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
