what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize