life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I want is dick and wine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
