Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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