he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
