You really coming over, don't trick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
