I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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