Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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