In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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