Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
