oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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