why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
