sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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