Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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