Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
