so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
