I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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