Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
