Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
