Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this will be a night to untag.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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