Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
