Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
