Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
