fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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