I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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