my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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