I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
