before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
