it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
