You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
