Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
