a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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