she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
