I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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