So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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