i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
