hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
