To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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