I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
