i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
