you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
