Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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