I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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