recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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