he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
