Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
